We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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