What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Panties = found
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
