sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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