You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
