You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
