Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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