Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
