I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
