I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
