walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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