so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
