I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
