I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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