What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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