Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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