omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
