Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
