He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
