do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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