I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
