theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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