I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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