I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
