I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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