The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
