do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
