Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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