Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
