You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No I am not eating basil off your cock
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
