Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
