We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
