I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
