that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
