if i can run in heels then i can drive
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
