you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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