I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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