I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
