i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
