Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I had to cum in my sink.
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