Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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