You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
