I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
