Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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