He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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