i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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