between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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