There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
