You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am mentally ready for anal.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
