GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
