Rock
Scissors
Fuck
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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