I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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